Worst.Shots.Ever.

Hot Mexican Hooker: This shot is the worst ever created, and also the second most appropriately named.

1 oz. Jose Cuervo
½ oz. of Tabasco Sauce
One large splash of Tuna Fish Juice

Fill shot with Cuervo and tabasco then fill to the brim with tuna fish juice. Not for the faint of heart. You may want to always keep a can of tuna in your pocket solely to make this shot for your friends.







New Jersey Turnpike: This shot must occur in a bar; preferably at the end of the night at the scummiest one you find.

One Bar Mat
One Bar Rag

Take the bar mat and squeeze into a shot glass. Top with what you can squeeze out of the bar rag. Then go get a hepititus shot. Note, if you sprinkle Parmasean Cheese on this shot, it turns into a whole other shot entitled "Dirty Panties" which is equally gross.











Motor Oil: It's the type of drink that's sure to make you wonder what you just drank and why you did it. It's got a taste of everything, but nothing that should ever be mixed together. Definitely one for your worst enemy.

1 oz. Jagermeisteer Herbal Liqueur
½ oz. Peppermint Schnapps
½ oz. Goldschlager Cinnamon Schnapps
½ oz Malibu Coconut Rum











Flatliner: Beware of ANYTHING with tabasco sauce. Put some hair on your best friends' chests with this one. They'll be burning for hours while you laugh in the corner.

¾ oz. Jigger Sambuca
¾ oz. shot Gold Tequila
3 dashes of Tabasco sauce









Liquid Steak: If you are a meat lover, then this one is for you. It's as close to a dead animal in a shot as you will ever get.

1½ oz. Barcardi 151
Worcestershire Sauce













Four Horsemen: It's definitely a classic, and one to make sure you get pictures of. The ingredients say it all; one shot will have your worst enemy crying for their mom!

¾ oz. Jose Cuervo Gold Tequila
¾ oz. Jagermeister Herbal Liqueur
¾ oz. Rumple Minze Peppermint Liqueur
¾ oz. Bacardi 151 Rum











Gorilla’s Puke: If the name doesn't give it away, I don't know what will. Also known as 152, this drink will surely have you puking at the end of the night.

¾ oz. Bacardi 151
¾ oz. Wild Turkey Bourbon Whiskey










Nasty B*tch::Yes, she's nasty, and so is this drink. Turn a 21st birthday into a really good time with this one.

1½ oz. Tequila
½ oz. Cointreau® Orange Liqueur

Celebrity Booze

1. Caduceus Cellars. Maynard James Keenan, the frontman for Tool and A Perfect Circle, has been making wine since 2004, and has a blog on Wine Spectator’s website. He’s quite the connoisseur, raining disdain on fellow rocker-cum–wine dude Vince Neil (who also makes tequila, see number 6 below): “I would avoid at all costs anything resembling Vince Neil’s wine…,” he told the A.V. Club. “You pour it, and you’re like, ‘Oh, my fucking God—are there pickles in here?’”

2. Trump Vodka. The Donald’s offering promises to be worthy of the Trump name by being “the world’s finest super premium vodka.” Not enough hyperbole? It’s also “quintuple-distilled” and “the epitome of vodka that will demand the same respect and inspire the same awe as the international legacy and brand of Donald Trump himself.” Available in original, citron, raspberry, orange, and grape.

3. Mansinthe. In 2007, Marilyn Manson partnered with the Swiss distillery Matter-Luginbühl AG and absinthe.de founder Markus Lion to launch his own absinthe. The musician has frequently boasted about binging on the liquor, telling MTV that he was “trying to get to that place where you think and behave like a child or a lunatic.” Despite some poor reviews, Mansinthe won a gold medal at the 2008 San Francisco World Spirits Competition, beating out boutique brands such as St. George Spirits.

4. Danny DeVito’s Premium Limoncello. After showing up for a segment on The View seemingly drunk, the enterprising Mr. DeVito came out with his own brand of limoncello. It’s made with organic lemons from Sorrento, Italy, with no artificial colors or flavors. When we sampled it, we found it more sugary than lemony, kind of like commercial lemon curd with booze.

5. Old Whiskey River Bourbon. Willie Nelson’s small-batch, six-year bourbon made in Kentucky comes with a red bandanna–print seal and a signature guitar pick on the bottle. Chowhounds give it lukewarm reviews: joypirate noted that it was “not the best, but very satisfying ... I was skeptical of a ‘celebrity’ bourbon though perhaps Willie transcends such things.” TNbourbon wasn’t impressed: “It’s a year younger than Evan Williams Black Label … costs about three times as much, and is far inferior.”

6. Tres Rios Tequila Silver. This 100 percent agave tequila is labeled “A Vince Neil Selection,” and even sports a breezy photo of the Mötley Crüe frontman enjoying a margarita in his cowboy hat and unbuttoned white shirt (printed on a card tied to the bottle’s neck). CHOW tasters felt it was an acceptable mixer, but called out its vague “plastic bottle” taste and aroma.

7. Little Jonathan Winery. Rapper Lil Jon became winemaker Little Jonathan earlier this year, launching a Monterey Merlot, Central Coast Chardonnay, and Paso Robles Cabernet Sauvignon. The King of Crunk, whose entrée to the liquid refreshment world was Crunk!!! Energy Drink, told the Associated Press that his wine “is not no ghetto Boone’s Farm.”

8. Crstal Head Vodka.Dan Aykroyd sells his spirit far better than I could, so I’ll leave it to him for the fine details.So let’s move on to the vodka itself. Crystal Head is familiar-tasting, 80 proof, and hardly earth-shattering in its composition, but overall very good. There’s an immediate vanilla punch that reminded me of the recently-reviewed 2 Rooz vodka. A bit chalky on the palate, it goes down extremely smoothly, with some sweetness and candy-like flavors on the tongue that immediately make one think of both dessert and ghosts. The finish is clean and crisp. There’s no medicinal flavor here at all. Really impressive.

9. Savanna Samson Sogno Due. Savanna Samson is a porn star. In addition to sex, she sells wine. Her first, an Italian red made by Roberto Cipresso from a blend of Cesanese, Sangiovese, and Montepulciano called Sogno Uno, caused quite a stir when Robert Parker rated it 90 to 91 (outstanding). When CHOW tasted Sogno Due, her white Italian Falanghina (a very old Roman varietal), we were surprised by how summery and light it was. We might even buy it if it were a little cheaper.


10. Dr. Dre Cognac. Straight out of Compton comes “Dr. Dre’s super premium” Cognac, scheduled to be released later this year. There’s also a sparkling vodka in the works, which might mix nicely with Lil Jon’s Crunk!!! Energy Drink for a gangsta cocktail.

Red Eye Review 01

Hey there Ne’er-do-wells, welcome to a Red-Eye Review of Tennent’s Lager and Jeremiah Weed sweet tea.

First up is Jeremiah Weed, this little gem comes in several different flavors: country peach, sweet tea vodka with bourbon whiskey and half & half (a combination of sweet tea vodka and lemonade). I tried the peach and then the sweet tea lemonade…wow, to both. I’m not really a vodka fan, so I almost never drink it strait…if I can avoid it. Surprisingly, the alcohol content is so well hidden in each sip that inebriation sneaks up like a well trained ninja…a Vodka Ninja rather, and intoxication is doled out with uncanny precision…in other words a cool buzz is gained rather quickly. My favorite of the two so far is the half & half and it is a southern must to drink it out of a frosty mason jar with a slice of lemon. I know summer has come and gone, so I’m anxious to try the bourbon infused vodka, this sounds like it could gently warm your cockles as you take a brisk hay ride down to drunk town…make sure to beware the ninjas tho’.

My other treat this weekend was the much touted Tennet’s Lager, this lager is a true blue collar beer enjoyed throughout Scotland and is a favorite among footy fans (Go Rangers!!!). Tennent’s has about a 30 second head after a full pour with a hint of apricot and natural hops brought home with a refreshing crisp finish. If you really want to separate yourself from the heard, order a “Lager Tops”. This is a Tennent’s with a splash of lemonade on top or at the bottom of the glass; this gives it a sweeter finish and scores some style points from the judges.

Tavern Topics 04

Greetings Ne'er-Do-Wells! just to refresh your drink...a Ne’er-Do-Well has been affectionately described as a bum, fainéant, good-for-nothing, idler, loafer, no-good, or slugabed. How about using Ne’er-Do-Well in a sentence?
“That f*cking Ne’er-Do-Well drank all the booze and pissed in the kitchen sink…AGAIN!”
Not a stunning adjective to be stuck with for the rest of your life…Until now. I believe there is a Ne’er-Do-Well in all of us, a harmless little pixie made up of mirth, mischief and monkey business. Let it be known that from this day forth that all followers of this blog will now be referred to as…wait for it…a, Ne’er-Do-Well!

Now, on to Tavern Topics 04!

Hebdomadal Hooch:
Can you feel it, the subtle chill in the air? What does the sound of houses roaring as football season is finally upon us, you reaching for a long sleeve shirt, and falling leaves have in common?...BEER! Yes that’s right; as much as I love my lagers and summertime beers…I love a good IPA, Stout and Ale. My number one pick for a fall beer is Harvest Moon Pumpkin Ale. It's got a good malt aroma and a nice subtle flavor. I was able to pull out notes of caramel, roasted malts, some florals, alcohol, brown sugar, clove, nutmeg, spices and a vegetable smell I presumed to be pumpkin. The initial flavor is lightly sweet. The pumpkin is really done well (meaning it's subtle) and there's enough other things going on that you don't over focus on it - though the other notes are not nearly as discernible in the taste as they were in the smell. I was also surprised to pick up a touch of alcohol in the taste, given its relatively average gravity.

Ethanol Etiquette:
When buying rounds, it is expected that all the men will drink whatever liquor is bought for that round, but women should be consulted as to whether or not they would like to order something else.

Rotgut Reviews:
For those of you that follow my other blog, Slim Chance will find this funny, I decided to get a bottle of Fat Bastard wine…it has a rhino sitting on the top of the label…crushing it subtlety…awesome. I went with the Shiraz/Syrah; it has aromas of blackberries, licorice and vanilla and the tannins are ripe and delicate…try it, you’ll like it.

Firewater Food flirtation:
When we make Chicken Alfredo at our house we add a little white wine into the sauce, just at the end. This adds a certain “zing” to the sauce and really compliments the chickens natural flavor…I won’t tell you what else we put in the recipe, that’s a family secret passed down to me by my aunt who’s locked in the…um, yeah…it’s a family secret.

Booze Elf:
Have i seen him? Yes. Have you seen him? let me know, I love a good 'close encounter of the drunk kind' story :0)