Bottle of the Sexes

Wow...what a gender-loaded topic with many varying points. The obvious is that guys tend to weigh more than women, so they typically can drink more before becoming intoxicated. However, most men drink beer which is has a far less alcohol content by volume than that of a women's choice of mix drinks or cosmos. Let us look at alcoholic content by volume of a basic Cosmopolitan: Vodka (which ranges from 40% - 60%) Cointreau which is 40%...Beer on the other hand, normally has 4%-6% alcohol. So are we talking drinking more in terms of number of drinks or alcohol content? Men usually drink more BEER than women. When was the last time you saw a hetro-sexual male drinking an Appletini?...without getting "Sh*t on" by his friends?

Men were raised to enjoy beer. The tradition where the father shares a beer with his son for the first time is a rite of passage...age 12 is perfectly acceptable...right dad? I can’t imagine many mothers that shared a margarita with their daughters before cheerleading practice! Beer can be considered a predominately male choice in beverages then, right?

Not so fast! Beer sales are becoming more popular with women. This is evident by all of the main-stream brewing companies coming out with "lighter" products that reduce the carbohydrate content in beers, which ultimately lessens the calories. However, this also lessens the alcohol by volume as well. So, here we go again. . . . Who drinks more? Younger women, between the ages of 21 and 30 seem to be drinking more beer as to the women in the other age groups. Why? It is a cost-effective way to drink "more" and not get too intoxicated? Or are their lifestyles that much different compared to the older generation? Are women waiting longer to start families just to prolong having more time for fun and frivolities?

Let’s be honest...a guy's social event usually involves drinking...In fact, ANY activity that men do socially will involve drinking as a sport in lieu of the activity at hand. A quiet day of fishing? Don't forget the cooler of beer! Day on the golf course? Where the hell’s the beverage caddie with my beer? I know I am being kind of stereotypical, but so is this topic. All I am saying is, when was the last time you saw a bunch of ladies drinking beers in their yoga class? So, the type of activities that men and women do definitely has an effect on how much they drink. Men tend to do outdoor activities that involve alcohol, women do to but, when women go camping, their backpacks are filled with water...not with alcohol.

After all of this, I still don't have a definitive answer. But, if I had to choose one, then yes, in today's times, men still drink more often than women. I'm just glad prohibition is over! I would like to go enjoy a nice beer with dinner now.

Most of us have done or said things we regret while inebriated. Here are the top ten situations and objects to avoid in preventing future embarrassment.



1. Cell phones

While we all think we have the will power to abstain from drunk dialing, by beer number five if you’re not making actual calls, you’re texting everyone in your phonebook. Delete contacts you’re likely to harass and remember to write down the numbers so you can re-enter them the next day.

2. Your computer

You can prevent embarrassing phone calls but with instant messaging and e-mail, the damage can be done in a matter of seconds and is generally irreversible. So go home, grab a bottle of water and get into bed. Do not pass your desk, do not turn on your computer and do not pass out with embarrassing Pakistani, hardcore, one legged midget porn on your PC…makes it hard to explain later when your significant other finds you.

3. Bouncers

As awesome as you think you are while wasted, security can see right through you. Don’t try to flirt or snob your way into the club. The bouncers will either laugh and send you to the end of the line or deposit you drunk as in a dumpster.

4. Shopping

From time to time a midday lunch with a glass of wine can turn into a boozefest. Unless you were already in the market for a lime green suit with a pink silk tie or can actually afford an LCD TV, stay away from any place that sells anything beyond coffee.

5. Public transit

In no way am I condoning drunk driving but the 24-hour bus, also known as the “vomit comet” isn’t quite as accommodating as a taxi. A cab will pull over when you have to puke...you just need to figure out how to say " pleesh pull th' f*ck over" in Spanish.

6. Dancing

Sure you looked hot at the beginning of the night but now that you have trouble standing upright getting your groove on has become a bit of hazard. Not only are you risking your own wellbeing you’re putting other patrons in danger of the all to often 'Hack trick'...puking while spining and bounce to...your only sence of rhythm and beat.

7. Anyone you work with

If you run into someone from work at the bar you’re in, walk the other way. If they’ve spotted you, make friendly small talk but make it quick. You don’t want to end up ranting about your boss to the office suck-up or end up sucking face with the office hoer.

8. Dressing yourself

Ladies,Do not drink and dress. Choose your ensemble before you start the party. What seems appropriate after a few cocktails may be more suitable for a stip club than a dance club.

9. Cooking

Unless you’d like to contract E Coli and couple your hangover with food poisoning, stay away from the kitchen. A piece of toast or cold leftovers are a much better choice than anything that might be a fire hazard.

10. Sports of any kind

Extreme tobogganing, skateboarding and spelunking may all seem like natural talents you never knew you had but are now sure you possess but in the name of not breaking any limbs, do not attempt anything athletic.

Your cocktail says something about you.

For instance, ordering a martini says you appreciate the finer things in life, ordering a gin and tonic says you appreciate the simple things in life, and ordering a Long Island Ice T says you don't care where your pants end up. But mixed drinks go deeper than that, much deeper. When you mosey up to the bar and place your order, you open a window into your very soul, revealing not only who you are, but also who you long to be. So know your cocktails and order with care, or you might send the wrong message.



Bellini

You have a tab at Olive Garden.



Bloody Mary

They're good if you only drink these for hangovers…If you are drinking them at work instead of coffee…might be a problem there, Alci Holicstien.



Cosmopolitan

You should’t start drinking these until after your first divorce, and don't start really enjoying them until after your second...And yes all bets are off if you are watching re-runs of Sex and the City.



Fuzzy Navel

You’re comfortable with who you are, to bad you’re the only one.



Gimlet

No, this not a Character in Harry Potter...although that dude is now old enough to order one and your to old to know who Harry Potter is.


Green Tea Martini

You believe in earth conscious living, except for that time you drank to many backed over a baby seal with your SUV.



Harvey Wallbanger

You're an old school drinker with...Oh who are you kidding? you just like to find a female bartender and order this drink so you can say 'wallbanger' without a slap or verbal castration.


Jägerbomb

collage was the best six years of your life.



Long Island Iced Tea

No matter how old you are, at some level, you’re still afraid your parents are going to catch you drinking.



Mai Tai

You’re attracted to exotic people and places, but not enough to get a passport.



Manhattan

You’re witty, sophisticated, and not at all jealous that the assholes pounding down Jell-O shots at the other end of the bar are having all the fun.



Margarita

All of your relationships have either begun or ended at a wet t-shirt contest.



Orgasm

You consider yourself too classy to order a Blow Job, but not classy enough to order a Sex on the Beach.



Piña Colada

You’re 50% lady, 50% tramp, and 100% drunk.



Raging Bull

You’re indestructible, and you’re going to prove it as soon as you stop the bleeding...person+velocity+brickwall=best facebook photo ever.


Tequila Slammer

You’re down-to-earth. Usually face-down.


Zombie

No matter what people say, you’re getting along just fine without long-term memory.¸